Norman Rockwell and me

Ever feel like this? I think we all do, when we bring our animals to the vet. No matter the reason, it's daunting to be there; the animal in your arms is usually very apprehensive, the other animals around you are either yapping or barking or shaking in tandem with yours. Sometimes, the vet is a place for news we are afraid to hear, sometimes it's just a routine checkup but with the deep emotions we feel for our pets, it's hard to separate even routine from anticipatory worry.

It's harder to be there, knowing there's a problem, and all alone to boot. That's where I found myself this afternoon. Theo hadn't been himself for the last 3 days, and I finally made an appointment for him to see the vet today. Being a mid-afternoon appointment, I had no kids with me to help pass the time, or dismiss the growing worry, and I remembered this Norman Rockwell painting all too well. It was even more apropos when I had seen the vet and returned to the waiting room with my dog, to await the Xray machine's availability. Sitting there, I had to absorb the news that Theo may have a discal hernia (as well as all the things that can happen because of it, and the possible surgery he might face at some point in his life). Being the emotional soul that I am, having already shed tears in the examining room, I breathed to calm myself for my dog's sake (as well as, perhaps, my public face). And I felt, more than ever, like the child in this painting. All around me were other patients with their owners, happy and healthy, and my puppy was lying, still and quiet, in my arms while I quelled emotions for his peace of mind.

The technician came out to take Theo to the X-ray, and I sat alone, feeling more isolated than even this child depicts. It lasted about 40 minutes while Theo got the X-rays, at which point I was then shown to another examining room and asked to await the doctor. That was worse. Not knowing what she'd tell me, not even having my puppy with me to soothe, I had to press my fingernails into my palm to detract from tears. And all I could do was say a prayer to whatever Entity would listen. One doesn't hear the words "possible paralysis" without her mind reeling toward that vision at 100 miles an hour.

The doctor came in and powered up the computer screen on the wall; forgetting my worry, I focused on the cool digital x-rays I was shown. I listened so that I could remember her every word to tell both kids, and the news was encouraging. No fracture or infection she could see, and if it is a discal hernia, it is minor. She would send me home with anti-inflammatory meds for him, and by 24 hours from then, I should see an improvement. Still, without totally babying him (fat chance), I was told he should not do any jumping for another 10 days.

The problem could recur - or not. It could need surgery - or not. But whatever happens, I am in good hands with the vet; that, above all, is worth the price paid for the visit.

Theo was brought out to me, happy to see me, but subdued. He sat on the counter between me and the receptionist while I paid for the visit, the x-rays, the meds, and the stuffed animal and cookies I'd bought him (guilt goes shopping). Then I brought him home to await his boys' return from school so I could explain to their very-worried faces what I had learned.

I have given Theo his first dose of meds, and lo and behold! He ate the cookie WITH the pills without even spitting out the meds! Thank goodness, because the last thing I wanted was to force-feed my already-stressed puppy his meds!

I've always loved Norman Rockwell. And the above painting was always a favorite of mine. But today, it came back to me in feelings, not just vision, and my admiration for the man's ability to depict emotions without words just grew exponentially.

I'll update Theo's condition as I go...think good thoughts.

I've known Andy Nulman since 1990 - finding out my new husband was an old school friend of his had me starry-eyed...after all, Andy's the guy who began the Just for Laughs festival, meeting and bringing in celebrities for 2 weeks of summertime joy every year. I'd attended Just for Laughs before I had heard the name "Andy Nulman"! To be 1 degree of separation from this guy made me an instant groupie.

Ran into Andy one year when we'd gotten tickets at a charity auction, to sit in the outdoor courtesy tent (what its formal name was escapes me now), and watch one of the galas from there. When we arrived, Andy was hobnobbing and greeted us warmly. This was my first impression of him: an outgoing, jovial, popular and genuinely friendly guy. He immediately had us sit at a table with him and share a drink. When he found out what we were doing there, he wasted no time. He called over one of his lackeys (he probably didn't CALL them that - at least not to their faces) and had her arrange for seats inside the theater for us. We were able to take in the gala - with Dick Cavett and Kelsey Grammar, no less! - from the 2nd row of the theater, and I was more starry-eyed than ever!

But it didn't stop there. Andy invited us to the closing party at the Delta hotel, where I actually rubbed elbows with Kelsey Grammar (okay, we were crammed in line waiting for our food at the buffet and my elbow sort of brushed his). It was one of the most seriously cool nights I'd spent in a long time.

Andy takes initiative to bring people together, not just at the big parties, but smaller ones too. A co-creator of the every-five-years gathering of his youth/childhood friends, he sends some of the most entertaining emails bringing news and details of the gathering to an ever-growing list of people. I only wish he'd let spouses join the party. *sighhhhhs*

Perhaps, as compensation for my being abandoned --- I mean, left alone with kids for a weekend every 5 years, I can finagle a copy of his new book, Pow! Right Between The Eyes! After all, he is a newly published author and I can redefine my groupiness; after all, he's joining the world of literati...

So whatcha say, Andy?

(the rest of you guys can find the book and a link here.

Seriously, Andy, I wish you well - and if I do score a copy of the book - will you autograph it for me?

Sweet Stuff

Alas, my first posting for Carmi's Thematic Photography section. I knew I had some yummies stashed in my photos, I always take pics of the stuff I make that makes me proud to show. These were a dessert I made for Passover in 2004, served on dishes my mom had bought for the apartment in Florida and which came into my possession in a very lucky, meant-to-be fashion. I made this decadent dessert on a whim, and my father-in-law STILL talks about it!

I think I might just continue to get involved in the thematic photography, it is a challenge and creative challenges always get me moving!

English and the USA

Okay, I figure here's as good a place to begin as any, with my new blogging phase (with a promise to keep it up!).

I just saw an interview with an advocate for making English the official language of the USA and he expressed outrage over Barack Obama's fervent plea to families to teach their children Spanish (the most prevalent language in the US). Why the outrage? For those who have accused Senator Obama of elitist statements, this has GOT to be the most elitist movement of all!

We here in Quebec realize the value of two languages. While it hasn't always been an easy pill to swallow, and still has remnants of ridiculous laws (the French signs being double the size of English signs, the still-present language police), it has been a gift to be able to speak another language, especially when traveling abroad where French is taught in most countries.

So why is the USA - which boasts a large Hispanic population - trying to shut out the other "unofficial" language spoken by so many of its citizens? The US claims it values all its citizens, and allegedly boasts pride in its diversity and certainly tries to embrace the diversity and teach tolerance among people; but I tend to judge by actions and not words. By trying to officialize the English language, the US is, in essence, telling the Latino community that their communication doesn't count unless it's done in a language that is - for most - a second language. By trying to make English "official" (and heaven knows what that bill or amendment or whatever form it takes will spawn), the US is telling the Spanish-speaking population (not to mention other communities with other languages) that they aren't as official as the English-speaking citizens.

And by doing so, they are simply negating all of their "embrace diversity" rhetoric and becoming no better than Orwellian thought police.

I wonder to what end this will go - why bother to make it an official language unless it is going to be enforced? How will language be enforced among the citizens of a country which boasts 10 times the population of Canada? Will they force newcomers to the States to go to English-speaking schools and not retain their heritage in any way but at home? Will they do away with the Latino shops where signage is Spanish and the culture is rich? Will they disallow Korean or Chinese or Japanese shop owners, restaurant owners, business owners, their native language in signs, on labels, or in service?

Will we begin to see "right to die in my native language" headlines in the USA as we've seen here in Quebec? While Canada has 2 official languages, Quebec's is French first, and we can all attest to the political debates and hard feelings this has invoked over the decades. Will we see predominantly Spanish states begin to talk of secession from the rest of the country?

They should be examining history - OUR history - for lessons in this venue and start to embrace diversity lawfully as well as culturally. They don't know what they're in for if they make this a law..!

Thoughts?

Blogging Again

It's been a couple of years (almost to the day) since I've posted but the other day, I realized that I have too much to say and no forum to say it; so I've decided to resurrect my blog, originally created for my Social Computing course, and start getting serious.

Now, with Facebook, I've got a whole new audience (I hope!) and I'm finding the stimulation of written interaction very relevant.

I hope you'll stick with me - I promise to be as consistent as I can, and I'll welcome comments!

Found on Yahoo News...

Keeping the blog going - it's a good place for me to keep stuff like this, and have been sharing it with friends of mine...so if any of my class peers are still reading - check this out against some of the lit we read...eye-opening!!

MARSEILLES, France -- Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!

"I walked out on that dark beach thinking I was going to hook up with the girl of my dreams," the rattled bachelor later admitted. "And there she was, wearing white shorts and a pink tank top, just like she'd said she would.

"But when I got close, she turned around -- and we both got the shock of our lives. I mean, I didn't know what to say. All I could think was, 'Oh my God! it's Mama!' "

But the worst was yet to come. Just as the mortified mother and son realized the error of their ways, a patrolman passed by and cited them for visiting a restricted beach after dark.

"Danny and I were so flustered, we blurted out the whole story to the cop," recalled matronly mom Nicole, 52. "The policeman wrote a report, a local TV station got hold of it -- and the next thing we knew, our picture and our story was all over the 6 o'clock news. "People started pointing and laughing at us on the street -- and they haven't stopped laughing since."

The girl-crazy X-ray technician said he began flirting with normally straitlaced Nicole -- who lives six miles away in a Marseilles suburb -- while scouring the Internet for young ladies to put a little pizzazz in his life.

"Mom called herself Sweet Juliette and I called myself The Prince of Pleasure, and unfortunately, neither one of us had any idea who the other was," said flabbergasted Daniel.

"The conversations even got a little racy a couple of times.

"But I really started to fall for her, because there seemed to be a sensitive side that you don't see in many girls.

"She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic.

"The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I'd never seen before. I'm grateful for that."

When starry-eyed Daniel asked Sweet Juliette to send him a picture, Nicole e-mailed him a photo of a curvy, half-clad cutie she'd scanned from a men's magazine.

"The girl in the picture was so beautiful, I begged Juliette to meet me on the beach -- and Mom said yes," he recalled. "Mom says she was falling for me, too, and she just wanted to meet me, even though she knew I'd be disappointed when I saw her.

"As for me, I figured I was going to find the girl of my dreams.

"I guess that's about as wrong as I've ever been."

Daniel admits he and his mother could do little but stammer and stutter around each other for days after their cyberspace exploits came to light. And his father Paul -- Nicole's husband of 27 years -- wasn't too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes.

"Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again," said embarrassed Daniel.

Talk about anonymity!!!

Proving the Thrust of Social Computing

In the course syllabus, and description, Johannes describes the computer as "places and spaces"...and while I totally agreed with that even before the course, what happened to me this week proves it beyond the shadow of a doubt.

The laptop I bring to school is my portable desktop. Basically I don't use any other computer - my kids use the desktop we have had for about 5 years, and we just acquired a 2nd desktop because with 2 kids (who, I might add, take after their mom and love the computer), it is necessary to have 2 computers. So I knew the laptop had to be the only place I could truly call my electronic home. When my old laptop (only 18 months old at the time) flickered and went black, I negotiated (hard!) with the store to uphold their extended warranty plan and replace it with market-value electronics. And when this computer came into my life it was only a couple of weeks on the market. I knew it was THE computer to have - kick-butt graphics card, 17" screen, huge hard drive, everything I needed. And I knew I'd make good use of it.

Wednesday night. Working on my project, and my reflection paper, and polishing up some logs and stuff for class. The laptop froze (it doesn't do that, not often - it has HT so it has been very reliable) and I pressed the "reset" button before going into the den to help my son with a problem he was having.

When I returned to the kitchen (sort of where I station myself when the kids are home and busy), the laptop was still rebooting. I watched and waited, but when it went to a blue screen and restarted again, I knew something was wrong. I closed it off completely, waited 5 minutes, and started it again. Same thing. Beginning to feel a sense of dread but not giving into it, I started it yet again. Played with trying to start it in Safe Mode, Last Good Configuration, all the offered choices. Nothing.

When I realized my computer was not going to work, I felt the panic rise. But when I say panic - sheepish to admit this - I mean panic. Tears. My son came in to see what was wrong and I told him I thought my computer had crashed. I tried again, to no avail. This time, it was full panic.

I knew the stuff was still on the computer, and I'd just have to get someone to fix it. But that wasn't a comfort - I needed everything NOW..in fact, YESTERDAY...and frankly, I don't trust just anyone with my computer. When my son asked why I was so upset, through tears I proclaimed (and yes, this is what I said - been reliving it): "my whole LIFE is on there!"

Yes, I had 3 semesters' worth of school stuff on the computer. Yes I had a project in progress, articles saved up (though printed as well) for my reflection paper, all my settings and passwords and everything else...but there were personal things on here too. Not just pictures of my kids, recordings of their voices...but creative writing I have stored up...artwork - both artwork I have completed, artwork in progress, and digital materials for my graphics. There are emails saved on my laptop that were transferred from my other laptop which were transferred from the 5-year-old desktop. In essence, 5 years' worth of emails. 5 years' worth of memories, the trajectory of the past 5 years in which so much has happened in my life...truly important cherished sentimental material. And I could only feel the dread that it might be gone.

A friend comforted me, telling me that the data was still in the box, I just needed the proper key to access it. I was going to go to sleep and awaken to call the Geek Squad in the morning. But there was no sleeping for me that night...I was driven to at least TRY to find answers. So at midnight, I was on the desktop in the den, looking up the exact problem. I had managed to freeze the BSOD to where the error message was displayed. Unmountable_boot_stopped...and after searching for answers on bulletin boards, I found them. Seems this is not such an uncommon problem when the boot sequence cannot be followed. The solution was to repair Windows, using the recovery disk. Searched for it, and found it and came back to the den. By then, a friend of mine was on MSN and I told her what was happening.

She stayed with me while I went through the steps. I read many accounts of what to do and how to do it. I was very careful, because I did not want to - obviously - reinstall Windows. But after reading my manual, and all that I'd read even from MS's site, I was ready. And I hit the "start" button on the recovery console.

It was the longest 39 minutes of my life. And I told my friend Deb, that if I lost everything, at least I was the responsible one, rather than having trusted my "baby" to someone less committed to it than I. I told her that I wanted the computer to work, and this would be my wake-up call. Would it be a hard call or a soft one? I was actually holding my breath those last few minutes. And as it went to restart, I thought I had lost everything. I posted, "Deb...it's gone..." And she was SO sympathetic.

When the log-in screen began to show, I saw an icon in the top left-hand corner, for my wireless mouse (also a fingerprint reader) and thought, "that wouldn't be there if everything were reset...". When the log-in said, "lissa" and "loading personal settings", the same heart-stopping thought came to mind. And when my wallpaper (never been so happy to see Rene Magritte's work than just at that moment) and all my icons began to show up, I shouted aloud. Sheepish but triumphant, I reported to Deb that all was intact. I checked anyway - first thing was my email program. All folders were there and intact. I was limp with relief...

Of course, my cat thought I was totally nuts - especially when I proclaimed, "Spirit...I did this. I DID THIS!!!" and he opened one judgmental green eye and yawned at me. But it was so much more than recovering the data.

Okay not THAT much more *grins* after all, it was all the data that I had feared was lost. But it was such a strong sense of pride in my achievements and my own determination, as well. I felt a stronger positive self-efficacy, and suddenly it was "I CAN do whatever I set my mind to doing!"

But what lingers is how deeply felt was the positive despair at the prospect of losing all that I have on the hard drive. When I said, in panic, "my whole life is on there"...I don't think I realized just how true those feelings are. Is it normal, or somehow obsessive to have so much, and attach so much meaning to mere electronic data? In discussing the feelings with a friend the next day, I knew that no, it wasn't something out of the ordinary, though logically, deep down, those memories are not lost to me even if their electronic representatives were to be. It was a bit of the packrat in me, perhaps...but I am extremely relieved to have the stuff back - and am backing up even at this writing.

That, perhaps, is the greatest lesson of all: back up the hard drive on a regular basis!!!

The fact that I was held together, emotionally, by a woman who has become my FRIEND...someone I have not yet met (but will) and who truly "speaks my language"...someone who was online the same time I was, and who was instrumental in keeping me semi-sane...goes, again, to show how the internet and its many facets have played an integral part in my social life...

Of course, the prospect of going without my laptop for another 60 days (the time in which the store "tries" to find a fix for an irreparable machine) was not a tasty one. I went through 2 months with the old laptop not functioning as it should (the display was gone, though the computer was able to be hooked into an external monitor so I could use it through my first semester in the program)...it was inconvenient, at the very least, and frustrating at the very most. I've become very used to the mobility of my wireless internet-able laptop. And I have plans this holiday to be away for 3 nights with my family, but with wireless at the hotel, and nothing to do but veg out and enjoy doing nothing, my laptop is an integral part of those plans (as it has been for the past 2 holidays with the same provisions).

More than ever, I am aware of how great a part in my life the laptop, its mobility and its connectivity...I'm not ready to give up the luxury. And it took an all-nighter to panic, then research, and fix a problem that would have had me without the computer. Am I addicted? Some might say yes. But does this not prove just how much we DO rely on our electronic social space. And from all the literature I've read through this semester, I am not alone...

And they said the Internet would never last....!