Opposite Side of the Emotional Coin

(photo created by me - to express the City's heart this week)

There have been a lot of emotions running rampant in my city this week. Since The Hit on Canadiens' forward Max Pacioretty by Boston Bruins' Zdeno Chara, hockey fans - and many non-hockey fans - have gone from shock, to fear, anger to outrage, confusion to utter mystification. Yesterday's news that Patch was home brought hope and relief. Letters from Air Canada to the NHL, and Geoff Molson to the home base brought a renewed sense of empowerment. The news that the Montreal police were investigating the Hit brought everything from amusement to derision. And bloggers streamed into my Twitter timeline from Habs Inside/Out's Dave Stubbs after The Hit and after The Decision, to Kyle Roussel, Sports Illustrated's (and Montreal's own) Michael Farber and Montreal Gazette's Red Fisher. The emotions ranged from low to high on every front, and as each blogger weighed in, emotions were renewed.

But what struck me most profoundly of all was the solidarity we were all experiencing. Montreal is a hockey city, and I've never been more aware of that since my hockey awakening began with last season's playoff run. But this week, as we all tweeted (2 days where hundreds upon hundreds of tweets updated by the second and I made many new Twitter friends), posted on Facebook, called into radio shows, emailed one another, and kept abreast of the story online, I felt a pride that was only strengthened by our togetherness.

We were banding together in positive energy sent to MaxPacs. We bonded over the anger that his assailant got off scot-free. We agreed on analogies comparing street thugs and hockey bullies, criminal behavior vs "part of the game", and we shared our resolve to have our voices heard as fans, fanatics and humans.

I found myself reflecting on my city. My City. Montreal's been home to me all my life, but I've seen it in a new light being a new fanatic of the game of hockey. I watch American broadcasts of our games and swell with pride when they show pictures of downtown, the Bell Centre, and talk about our history - hockey and non-hockey related. I travel the subway with my kids, on the way to a Habs game, and feel At One with every other attendee going my way, wearing the bleu-blanc-rouge. I talk to people from other cities who, even if they root for another team, laud the electricity felt at the Bell Centre. I go to games and feel a new awareness of how lucky I am to live in a city which has a European flavor, a metropolitan buzz, and yet sometimes - like this week - boils down to a village mentality where we are all one with each other.

So instead of blogging anger (which I still feel) or loathing (which is now stronger than I thought I'd feel toward another team and its fans) or disgust (if I even qualify that I WILL blog about it), I would like to share my profound love of being a Montrealer, my extraordinary pride in my city and its citizens, and my continued support for my team, its players, and the fans who help make Loving My Habs that much more of a global experience.

Go Habs Go!!!

Writing the NHL Corporate Sponsors

Will you help? Inspired by Air Canada's letter to the NHL, in which the company threatens to withdraw its significant corporate sponsorship if the NHL does not reconsider its lukewarm stance on dangerous hits and headshots (a HUGE impact should it happen), I have drafted the letter below to appeal to other corporate sponsors of the NHL. Besides Air Canada, there is a long list, including McDonald's, Pepsi, Bell, Scotiabank, Canadian Tire, etc. I would like to know if you're on board - if you'd like to sign it. If so, I will arrange for that to happen in an electronic manner, and let's take some action.

Max Pacioretty deserves our support, and if this is something I can help to make happen, to vindicate the non-action taken on Zdeno Chara for his ugly hit on our player, it will be an honor.

The Letter:

Dear ____________________________

As you are no doubt aware, in a game vs. Boston at the Bell Centre in Montreal, Quebec on Tuesday night (March 8^th, 2011), Canadiens forward, Max Pacioretty, took a hard hit from Bruins captain, Zdeno Chara, who rode him along the boards to the turnbuckle (post holding the Plexiglass that separates the two benches). Pacioretty’s head and neck took the brunt of the hit, he slumped to the ice where his head hit the surface, and was knocked unconscious. He was transported to hospital where he has been diagnosed with a severe concussion and a non-displaced fractured fourth cervical vertebra in his neck.

This is a very serious injury. Not only did those watching – in person and on television throughout the nation and beyond – not know whether Pacioretty was breathing, not only did those watching not know whether he would ever walk again, not only is his prognosis unknown at this time…but at the very least, his season is over. This is a player who began with the Canadiens December 12, 2010, and has played with his full heart and soul, winning games and scoring goals and assists (17 points in total until the injury that hospitalized him). Max Pacioretty has become a central part of the line-up, someone the Habs have counted on to go to the net and play the game in the very best way he can, while maintaining the team spirit and integrity of the game of hockey. He has been sidelined for an indefinite amount of time by a player 6’9, who should have known better.

As you are also aware, the National Hockey League has not taken a very firm position against headshots and dangerous hits (both of which describe the one on Pacioretty). There have been a few perfunctory suspensions, but nothing that resonates with players who return to the ice only to execute the same types of hits again. As well, the inconsistent NHL has sanctioned players for merely talking (case in point, Sean Avery’s 6-game suspension resulting from some derogatory remarks he made in December 2008, about his ex-girlfriend who was now dating another hockey player) or mere gestures (case in point, James Wisniewski’s October 2010 2-game suspension for making a lewd gesture to another player). However, the day after what could have been a crippling hit to Max Pacioretty, Zdeno Chara was in a phone meeting with Mike Murphy for a review of his actions. (It should be noted that Murphy stood in for Colin Campbell who could not associate himself with this case as his son plays for Boston – a problematic situation in and of itself, in the NHL) Chara was not penalized in any supplemental fashion (other than the game misconduct and 5-minute penalty on Tuesday night) for what happened, not even a perfunctory suspension or fine, and that has reverberate through the hockey world, polarizing fans, players, writers and coaches for and against such measures.

Pacioretty, speaking out today after having seen the video for the first time, said the following:

“I am upset and disgusted that the league didn’t think enough of (the hit) to suspend him. I’m not mad for myself, I’m mad because if other players see a hit like that and think it’s okay, they won’t be suspended, then other players will get hurt like I got hurt. I thought the league would do something, a little something. I’m not talking a big number, I don’t know, one game, two games, three games…whatever, but something to show that it’s not right.”

I am writing today, with a list of supporting signatures, to draw your attention to the words of Denis Vandal, director of marketing/communications at Air Canada, who – in a letter to the NHL Wednesday March 9^th – expressed concern over recent incidents of headshots and concussions. Mr. Vandal wrote,

“From a corporate social responsibility standpoint, it is becoming increasingly difficult to associate our brand with sports events which could lead to serious and irresponsible accidents; action must be taken by the NHL before we are encountered with a fatality.

"Unless the NHL takes immediate action with serious suspension to the players in question to curtail these life-threatening injuries, Air Canada will withdraw its sponsorship of hockey."

I would like to appeal to your sense of integrity, moral decency, ethical considerations, and your own concern for lending your corporate sponsorship to an organization that seems to feel nothing short of death will change its attitude on dangerous hits. Will you, too, stand up for players who deserve to be part of a league that stands for safety and justice in the case of borderline criminal behavior? Will you, too, contact the NHL and voice your own intentions to reconsider your corporate sponsorship of its organization? Leaders like your company can set the tone for our current players, those who will follow, and youngsters who aspire to the NHL, all of whom are questioning the lack of action against a player whose flagrant disregard for the life of another almost resulted in the ultimate tragedy. Your leadership will be lauded by those of us who stand for justice. For players like the Montreal Canadiens’ #67, Max Pacioretty, the Pittsburgh Penguins’ #87 Sidney Crosby, Boston Bruins’ #91, Marc Savard, and others who have had career- or season-ending injuries, you must represent them with your voices raised for justice.

Thanking you for your attention, we remain,

Hopefully yours,

(signatures)

*********************************************************************

If you're on board - comment on this post. If we get enough people willing to sign this (and feel free to pass along this blog entry), I'll take care of the rest.

Let's do it for Patches!!

Habs Loyalty

Okay, I'm coming up to my first anniversary of Total Habs Fanaticism. That would be the turning point in my life where I ceased to be a "clap for the team when they score" fan, and began paying attention to game strategies, behind-the-scenes goings-on, a little of the Business of Hockey, and even yesterday's trade frenzy. My Hockey Education began with the 2010 playoff season, where the Habs' Cinderella run coincided with my being a double hockey-mom (TWO kids playing) and having no choice but to absorb the culture which was growing as fast as my boys, in my household.

So besides becoming utterly intense when it comes to games, understanding how every point counts and treating each regular-season game as if it were a Game 7 in the playoffs, I became fiercely protective of my team. I saw, last year, how so-called fans turned on the team (and its individual players) the second we lost, or a player did a stupid move. It made me think - what could cause me to turn on the team like that?

Answer: Nothing. Nothing short of dirty playing (à la Matt Cooke) or unlikeable players (à la Chris Pronger, Mike Richards, and down the line) or incredibly consistent stupidity (hasn't happened yet). So, in short, nothing can turn me against my Habs. I am a fan to the end, and even when they're playing in a less stellar manner than those Game 7s, I cannot find myself criticizing them.

Does this make me less savvy than the die-hard hockey-knowledgeable people I know? Maybe, in some ways. But part of my love for my team is my faith in their ability. And if this isn't the year, it isn't the year. All I care about is if we've been entertained (we have), enjoyed success (we HAVE), seen miracles (Boston 2-0 for 3 periods, Habs win 3-2, anyone?) and felt the pride in our team, our city, and our reputation. We have. Or, at least, I have.

No one can bash my team. I expect it from adversaries, I expect it from fans of opposing teams, I definitely expect it from the fierce rivalries but the vitriol I've seen this season has been an eye opener. I don't have that many non-Habs fans on my Twitter account (by choice, btw) but I've seen reposts and it can be shocking, at times, how ugly the comments can be.

But to see it from people who wear the bleu-blanc-rouge in their Twitter pics or avatars...that's discouraging.

Short Twitter 101: in Twitter, the # used for the same word or phrase by a large number of posters will cause it to "trend", meaning it will show up in a list in the sidebar on which people can click and join the trend with their own posts. It can be fun (the "#BadRockGroups" trend was fun and creative) but it can also show what people are talking about, in Canada, USA, World, etc.

The latest to add to my discouragement is a derogatory nickname for one of our players. He is definitely not showing the star quality he did last year, the quality he is being paid multi-millions for, but does that mean I will start a trend on Twitter, or join one, to put him down to all who follow me? Does that mean I will use a hashtag to make sure that he, or his teammates or friends, will see that I've jumped on the Bash-This-Guy bandwagon? No. Will he care if I, in particular, do so? Probably not. But I will. He's on our team. Do I wish he'd sit up straighter and take notice of the game going on in front of him? Of course. But he's one player. We have many more and most of those are pulling their weight. We win as a team, we lose as a team.

Am I judging those who bash? No. But I hope they won't judge me for keeping this sometimes-idealistic faith in my team, a faith that translates to hope, and excitement, and anticipation, and love for a team that has given me a new passion at this stage of my life, one I can share with my children, my dad, and friends, old and new.

Peace, guys.

Oh, and...

#GoHabsGo!!!

The Business of Unfriending

Foreword - actually written after this blog entry but posted here on top: I can see this is the first in what will undoubtedly become a series of reflections on the topic - this is written after a week's worth of debate and discourse over one event in particular...read on and let me know what you think!

I've been unfriended a small handful of times on Facebook. And while I'm not a "right fighter" (thank you Dr. Phil, for another super term), I will opine vigorously in any discussion or debate in which I might find myself. Whether it's on my FB page, or another's, I tend to express myself in the most forthright ways I can. This includes the old-fashioned idea of "saying it like it is". Sugar coat? Not me. Respectful? To the core. Civil? Never anything but.

In the spate of recent political issues that have arisen over the tragedy in Tucson, I have expressed my outrage over the witch hunt involving the political right, the rolled eyes following the President's speech (mocked by the political right) and pretty much everything in between. I have been finding a new political voice in myself, and I consider myself to be extremely well read, totally willing to inform myself on those issues with which I am not familiar, able to stick with a point of view that I feel comfortable with, instead of swaying with the wind, and utterly, confidently literate in my abilities to express those points of view.

So, now embracing the Libertarian philosophy, I've found myself ticking off the right, the left, and their minions, by the handful. It's been an eye-opener. When people refute one's comments, they do so with their opinions stated louder (most of the time, just restated, or others join in with the same words or ideas - at least, in these instances I've experienced). I tend to take those opinions and back up my own (any good research student knows how to do that!), in coherent, literate fashion. I will say it again: always with civility and respect. Never using CAPITALS TO SHOUT or a thousand exclamation points!!!!! to emphasize my statement, I have learned to properly communicate in this arena.

After several go'rounds with people on a page, the response (whether it is right- or left-wing related) denigrates to "you don't know what you're talking about" or "you're dead wrong" or the one I really loved, "Lissa's Canadian...a hike should be taken" (that was the first time I'd been thrown out of a conversation because Canadians weren't qualified enough to comment on a USA issue). My response to that one is always, "this is not a political issue - this is a human issue, it affects us all, and if we don't come together without pointing fingers, the human race is in trouble.

I've been told to "shut up" (even in jest, when the person saying it is someone I don't know - or care to know, this is the epitome of disrespect) and was even chastised by someone who told me "Enough! Move away from your computer!" As if my keyboard were the culprit and my fingers were acting of their own accord.

In those times, I know when I'm not wanted, and happily leave those who wish to debate with like-minded "opponents" to their homogeneous yes-parties ("don't you think this is true?" "YES!" "Do you agree with me?" "YES!" - boring, if you ask me - especially when there are obviously other perspectives to be mined).

But the few times I have encountered wonderful exchanges were when, on a friend's page, one of her friends and I held different views but acknowledged each other's perspective respectfully, and found common ground in other areas. Or the blog where I commented, was disagreed with but the poster mentioned he liked the Montreal Canadiens - instant winner!

It doesn't take much to smile at someone even if we don't agree with them. But I've found vitriol on top of vitriol in the past week, and at first it really bothered me. Then I was advised, "you can get along to go along, or you can stick with the courage of your own convictions." That gave me strength, and renewed self-confidence and the jabs ceased to bother me. See, had I been a less confident person, less self-aware and weaker in my self-dignity, I would have crumbled. But I have learned so much about myself in the last few years, it has served me well in heated moments like the ones I've experienced this week.

So when someone who had befriended me out of the blue because of a common interest in African wildlife (and I did what I rarely do - accepted an unknown person's friend request) stated, a couple of nights ago, that sadly her country has degenerated to the point where it was "no better than any other country out there", I cautioned her by saying a little humility would go a long way. Canada is a damn fine country and I understand the USA is used to being a super power, but that to lump "every other country" in a lower echelon, on a public page, was a little insensitive of her to do. She came back vehemently, telling me that she thinks I should get a grip - that if we were face to face, she'd be afraid I'd physically attack her. Laughable? Yes. Disturbing? Yes. Why? Because never had I been anything but civil, never had I invoked any violent metaphors (being oh-so-cautious of PC'ness these days *rolls eyes*) and was suddenly being accused of the capability of physical violence? I retorted by telling her those exact things, and that she seemed to be the one who should "get a grip". Next thing I knew? She's unfriended me.

That's okay - it's everyone's right to do what they feel will keep their world positive and happy. But some people do so in order to remain insular as well, and those are the people who cannot see another point of view without feeling their own threatened. I feel sorry for those people, but I cannot take responsibility for their actions. It's Miguel Ruiz's 2nd Agreement: don't take things personally. "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." (thank you don Miguel! And I highly recommend his books)

Unfriending happens. I don't take it personally. I know what I have to offer others, I will not change my perspective to keep a "friend" who has the capability of leaving a "friendship" the second something doesn't go their way in a conversation. I can honestly say I've never unfriended anyone on the basis of differing opinions. The one time I did unfriend someone was when I felt threatened.

In my research, I have learned that everywhere we turn, in the online venue especially, there is capacity to harm with words. Those who don't know my background cannot know that I am probably, with every word I write, analyzing my posts for any possible harmful tone. Those who do know it should know better than to heap any sort of blame or ill will on me. I've been accused of many things by those who don't know me - and that's okay (sort of - accusations had better be backed up but there will always be those who do so reactively). But when those who are aware of my research, of my work, and of my sense of urgency that we eradicate bullying and cyberbullying, accuse me of that very practice, it is a reflection of their insecurity, their unwillingness to see another point of view, and their blindness to accepting that someone else might have a good point they could learn from and that could help them grow personally.

Unfriending - to me - is just the sign that those people want to live in their own world without being challenged by those who might see through their veiled attempts to be "right", without being surrounded by all facets of the diamond (the world is flat?) and don't want to leave a cocoon of harmony falsely created by a single-perspective world.

Or maybe they just don't like me. *shrugs*

I welcome people of all facets to my Facebook, blog, twitter and messenger, because I welcome all people into my life. I welcome your comments. And I've heard many people say they welcome debate - but go on to limit it, usually to their point of view (which makes it a boring debate, if that at all)....but I truly do welcome debate. We're not schoolchildren here and I don't have to give you guidelines on how to treat one another but being so sensitive to cyberbullying, it astounds me to see the number of "debates" that are vicious fights (not even arguments!).

**NB: I have quoted directly from some of the exchanges I have had. If you should be reading this blog and recognize any of the passages, please know they were used for illustration purposes only and I am not pointing fingers (and have not named names); this has been an enlightening week and I feel I've grown just from handling many of the encounters I have had. So if you do recognize something - you have my sincere thanks for the ability to learn from those exchanges! (and for the blog material)**

Boudreau vs. Pop 'n Fresh

I have always contended, since the playoffs this past Spring anyway, that Bruce Boudreau reminds me of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Need proof? I put this up for Tyg's readers but my own can enjoy the fun too!

Sam thinks it's mean - but I'm not being mean-spirited. I'm just doing what the late, great Spy Magazine used to do: Separated at Birth? (I mean, they were mean - they compared Martha Grahm to a rhesus monkey, for heaven's sake - THAT'S mean!)

Decide for yourselves...discuss.

Habs vs. Leafs - November 20th, 2010 - An Experience

(Click to see the photo larger, in all its shutout glory)

Inspired by my new friend Tygerlylly, and this blog entry in particular, I have to write about that night.

We got the opportunity for the cheap seats for this game, and when I told the kids we had tickets, I'd just gotten them...it was a day off school for them. I woke them specifically to tell them and Josh, my regularly-zombie-like-in-the-morning 17-year-old, actually woke in an instant with a big grin. Sam, then 13, was incredulous. "We're going to see Toronto?" Yes. "We're going to be at a Leafs and Habs game?" No, a Habs and Leafs game, but yes. He was ecstatic.

But I had no clue what to expect - I'd been to my first Habs game in YEARS just that September, a pre-season game we won against Ottawa, but I had never been to this match-up. (For those not in the know, there is a deep - usually friendly - rivalry between Montreal and Toronto, on many levels; but in hockey, it's personal, it's religious, and it's fiercely fun) I was told to watch out, it will be a very emotional arena, and wow, was it ever!

Just the Metro ride was anticipation. But when we arrived at the Bell Centre, we were met by pockets of blue and white jerseys. I'd expected some Leafs fans, but this many? Then I remembered that the Als were about to decimate the Argos the next day for the Eastern Conference Grey Cup finals (for my non-Canadian friends - that's our Super Bowl and yes, we put the Toronto Argos away and went on to win the Cup for the 2nd year in a row), and it all made sense. The first guy I encountered, in his group, said, "go Leafs!" I didn't look at him - he was massive and I'm not - but I said, "Well, no, actually, I hope you're not too disappointed when we beat your team tonight. But hey, welcome to my city!" I got out of there pretty fast.

Got our seats, kids wanted food but the warm-up started, so we rushed back to the seats. The roars greeting the Habs were expected; the boos greeting the Leafs were as well. But the volume was WAYYYY up and the grin on my face started to become permanent. There were pockets of Leafs fans throughout the stands, chanting their pathetic encouragements for their team - to which I started my robust "Go Habs Go!" Of course that's all a Habs fan needs, and soon, it was Dueling Team Chants.

When the teams came out on the ice for the beginning of the game, after the flag-bearers did their thing, the arena went dark and the announcer began talking about the late Pat Burns. I knew there would be a tribute, and the hush that fell over the normally bustling Bell Centre was instant. They talked about Pat, and then a short video (well worth your time) was played. The fact that he'd coached both teams playing this night was incredibly poignant. There had been rivalry in the stands but we all cheered together as one team for this coach. When the ice became a portrait of Pat and the logos for all 4 of his teams, we were asked for a moment of silence (you can see this in the video) - I had never thought the Bell Centre, at a hockey game - a Habs vs Leafs no less - would be this silent. I was overcome with emotion as everyone paid tribute to this honorable man.

Then the game. And WOW. Scoreless first period had me standing in line, antsy to get food and back to my seat, and suddenly I felt a Presence behind me. A tower, no less, of a man - and all I could see was blue and white because being (as Tyg likes to put it) "fun-sized", I came up to this guy's navel, that's how big he was. No way was I going to start up with THIS Leafs fan! But he was greeted heartily by comrades from his faction as well as ribbed good-naturedly by Habs fans and employees of the Bell Centre who passed us on their way to other places.

I saw the count-down clock getting closer to the 2nd period, and left my line. Food could wait. Hockey could not.

When Jeff Halpern scored that first goal, the place erupted. My throat was already raw from cheering for the Habs and how they dominated the ice (our penalty kills looked like power plays as we kept the puck well in front of Gustavsson for many of those minutes). But this exceeded ALL expectation (and decibel level)!! The animators in our section went up and down the steps high-fiving everyone, till they came to the lone Toronto fans in our section who didn't want to high-five anyone (awwwww...but why?). The Centre was in a frenzy as the announcer boomed out Halpern's name, and it was Game On.

I got my food for the 3rd period (note to self - and anyone visiting Bell Centre: get your pizza in the first period or intermission; by the time you get in in the third, it's rewarmed and not very cheesy at all) which proved to be even more exciting as Toronto TRIED to rally. A very lovely, well-placed pass by Mike Komisarek gave Cammy our insurance goal. But wait! Komi doesn't play for Montreal anymore! Oops!! Even better!!

That goal was the one that had me losing a few notches of hearing but not caring one bit. It was 3rd period, we were on our way to a shut-out, and it was the Leafs!!

When the voice boomed "one minute left in the period" I thought the rafters would come down. They tried playing hard but...it was the Leafs. And we played for all we were worth to get Carey Price his shut-out prize. When the countdown to the end of the period threatened to explode the roof off the place, I was ecstatic - my boys were beside themselves, and this was the night I'd hoped to create for them - but I got it back in spades.

Walking down the steps, everyone singing the olé song at the top of their lungs, I didn't seem to meet those pockets of Leafs fans I'd seen spouting at the beginning of the game. Hmmmm...could they have left EARLY?

The first order of business, after getting settled, was to text a rabid Leafs fan the photo of the scoreboard. He wasn't amused, but it's all in good fun (which is also one reason I HAD to be at a winning game - he'd have trounced me had we lost).

I knew this game would be filled with emotions of all sorts (added to by the Pat Burns tribute) but I had never experienced a night at a hockey game that would have me saying, "I wish I could see this game all over again." Me? Reliving a game? I'm not a new hockey fan, I'm just new to understanding the sport, and my fanaticism has burst to levels heretofore unknown to me! But it wasn't just the game, it was the entire spirit at the Bell Centre that made me feel so much a part of a group that is as cohesive as a huge family. Strangers high-fiving one another, talking about the game like it was a family reunion, and it made me see the heart of what sports can do: bring people together in entertainment and a little bit of escape in a long week or month, or a tough time. Nothing bonds like a common experience and when that experience is bound by a deep commitment, there are no limits to the wonders it can bring, truly. And yes, I know it's a hockey game - but it made me think about what this sport does - for people, for my City, for my kids, and now, for me.

After the game, my boys proclaimed their "perfect record" - they had been to a Habs-Tampa Bay game in February with my dad (their first); I got them tickets to the 3rd game of the Eastern Conference Final against the Flyers in May; we saw the pre-season game against Ottawa in September and now, this was their 4th Habs game. Each game my kids have attended, the Habs have won. I think I'll buy those boys season tickets!

Ticking off the masses

In the past couple of weeks, I noticed - as I'm sure so many of you have - the cartoon character profile pics popping up on Facebook, along with a status: "Change your profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood. The goal? To not see a human face on Facebook until Monday, December 6th. Join the fight against child abuse, copy and paste to your status and invite your friends to do the same."

I have always thought of these status updates as digital chain letters. We all got anonymous chain letters when we were younger. "Copy and mail this letter to 10 of your friends, and you will have good luck." (usually these contained some miracle story of Edward or John who had done so, and won the lottery the next day or whose dream soulmate had walked into their lives. They also related the horrendous consequences of Al or Herman who did not send the letter, and died in fiery crashes or whose entire fortunes were wiped out).

Today, if you continue the chain, you are a group player, a cooperator, a good Facebooker. But if you break the digital status chain, if you don't follow the crowd ,you are either seen as unwilling to play, a grinch, or not part of the group. Why? What if you DO play? Well, I've read peoples' self-assessments, one in particular, "I'll be a sheep with everyone else," and frankly, does that not accurately describe what we are when we follow the crowd, especially when there is an unknown faction leading us? Heaven forbid you - like I - speak up against the particular trend du jour! Ire is rained down upon you!

The story behind this particular meme (meme: "The term Internet meme is a phrase used to describe a catchphrase or concept that spreads quickly from person to person via the Internet, much like an esoteric inside joke." - Wikipedia) is that it was never begun for a Cause, per se. It was merely a bit of fun that someone wanted to spread, and was never intended to raise awareness of anything. Somehow, it got hijacked for a cause, albeit one of relative irrelevance, and everyone was off to the races.

Enter The Wet Blanket: me. I couldn't understand how changing one's profile pic to a cartoon could possibly relate to stopping child abuse. I did some researching of this meme and found this article, only one of many in which is clarified that the originator intended for this to be utterly meaningless fun (and there is nothing wrong with that at all, by the way). So I posted on my friends' pages, after they got on the bandwagon, stating my opinion. One of my friends - the comedienne Marsha Warfield - actually changed her profile pic to a stop sign bearing the words, "Stop Child Abuse And Neglect" and her status update merely read: "F*** cartoons." Aha, here was someone who thought the way I did!

So, my raising people's awareness of this meaningless meme began to raise their ire as well. They became defensive, accused me of being self-righteous (or so I interpreted), and exclaimed, "But it doesn't hurt anyone, so why not?" No, it doesn't hurt anyone, but child abuse does. And changing a profile pic, stating "let's be aware of this topic" and sitting back to feel good about one's helping society to get better ...that doesn't help kids who are living in pain, fear, and increasingly eroding self-esteem.

My points are fairly simple: awareness isn't enough. Awareness and understanding are a good beginning. Action is what's needed. If someone is so incensed over child abuse, there are many ways in which they can help: volunteer at shelters which house these families. Donate money to shelters to keep them in operation. Stand up to the woman in the shopping center who has slapped her 2-year-old for crying, or who is pulling just a little too hard on her 4-year-old's arm to get him to keep up with her. We all need to take responsiblity for that which so many believe just isn't their business. But raising awareness isn't enough.

I was challenged in the dialogues that followed my "self righteousness". How can I, someone who is not only raising awareness of cyberbullying but basing my entire graduate thesis on that very thing, say it doesn't help to raise awareness of child abuse to change a profile picture? Again, I feel it's simple: what I'm doing is a thesis which is leading to my new career of educating those who are responsible for kids who might be engaged in cyberbullying situations. I am not simply raising awareness. I am doing something about it. I am going on radio and telling whomever will listen that it is about time we educated the educators to be vigilant and recognize this new heinous threat to our children. I am creating a program for teachers, and one for kids, in which they can interact with the materials and become proactive. I am hoping to continue my research into the topic so that we can have an idea of the impact awareness has on those vulnerable to attacks. That's what I'm doing in my field. Raising awareness is today's feel-good catchphrase. Too many people believe it ends there. Sadly, awareness fades if the topic is not a part of our everyday life. Awareness memes fade even faster. And the meaning of the action fades sometimes before it's even minutes old. I counted at least 6 friends who, after posting their status updates and changing their profile pictures, received responses exclaiming how, "I LOVED that cartoon when I was younger!" or "He's my favorite cartoon character!" Nothing about the Cause, nothing about the seriousness of child abuse, and nothing about how this person is now changed because of the picture.

I'm not criticizing anyone who wishes to have fun. Heaven knows, we could all use more of it in our daily lives, even if it were a fleeting picture on a Facebook page. That's why I post hockey news and comic strips alongside the bullying links I have on Facebook: we can't live serious all the time. But when something calls for serious action, I find it strange to invoke that which brings out delight and laughter. There is nothing fun or funny about child abuse, breast cancer, bullying, animal neglect...so why do we insist on making Facebook trends so diametrically opposite to the causes they are purported to promote?

In closing - I'm not a wet blanket. But if I bring to the table some serious discussion, please don't feel I am attacking your sense of fun; I am only asking you to justify why you're asking me, as a FB friend, to change my picture, and my status, and in the name of a cause or an illness. We have to remember we are thinking, able human beings, who CAN bring about change in the real world. We should not become computer hounds who are led to believe that by talking about or illustrating it on Facebook, we will cure the evils of society. Let's bring action back to our communities; use Facebook to organize a day of offline action. THEN I'll change my Facebook pic for it!!